Greetings, readers. I am Gianni Oberhausen, Intern Third Class (acting) here at Sonic Odyssey. My duties include writing this column, carrying Les Paul cases twice my weight, and, apparently, learning the difference between “phase” and “out of phase” by being shouted at repeatedly.
Herr Randall has begun watching something called college football. It is neither college, nor football, nor even ball. It is an endless procession of armored men colliding while the audience roars as though the fate of civilization itself were at stake. The strangest part is that my own father — a man from Stuttgart who once lectured me on the subtle geometry of the Bundesliga — now spends Sundays screaming about “third down conversions” like a televangelist.
I thought salvation was coming when Herr Randall turned on EuroBasket. Finally, real sport. But then, betrayal: he is cheering not for Germany, my homeland, but for Serbia. His only explanation, muttered under his breath, was: “The Serbian Terminator.” I do not know what this means. I only know that Heat fans will nod gravely at this phrase, while I collapse into despair.
Stranger still, he does not watch one contest at a time. He watches many. Football, basketball, and something he calls “fantasy,” all at once, spread across multiple glowing screens. Is this what all Americans do? Is the human brain here wired to consume simultaneous chaos? I suppose this explains why every computer he owns is connected to a minimum of three monitors. Perhaps it is not eccentricity. Perhaps it is survival.
As if that were not enough, Herr Randall has acquired something called a “Jose.” It is, allegedly, an amplifier, though he treats it as though it were a consecrated relic. I am forbidden from entering the studio. The rules are clear: I must not touch, look at, breathe near, or even exist within ten feet of Jose. At this point I suspect Jose is the true heir to this publication, and I am but a footnote.
For my failure to show proper reverence, I have been banished to the garage. My punishment: sorting transistors by lot code and hFE, hunched over a magnifying glass, perched upon a stack of Les Paul cases. I write this surrounded by plastic bins, my hands ink-stained, my soul fading. This, I am told, is what counts as an “internship” in America.
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Reviews & Roundups
VX5 Vocal Processing Pedal Review — MusicRadar
Headrush’s pedal with Antares Auto-Tune nails the T-Pain effect. (Gianni’s note: I sounded like Cher for 3 glorious minutes.)
Boss VG-800 V-Guitar Processor Review — MusicRadar
Virtual guitar tones that make Gianni wonder if his internship could be replaced by DSP. (Yes, Gianni, it can.)
SSL 4K G Review — Sound On Sound
Classic analog flavor in plugin form. (Herr Randall yelled “PHASE” three times during testing.)
Boss RT-2 Rotary Ensemble Review — Sound On Sound
Swirling, spinning, organ-style goodness. (Gianni is dizzy now, The Bossman just ordered 3 along with a Rockman)
Bloom Series Review — Rekkerd
Excite Audio’s creative suite for sound design explorers.
Komplete 15 Ultimate Review — Rekkerd
Native Instruments’ monster bundle. (Gianni’s note: I clicked once and crashed the studio PC.)
News
Rush Albums Ranked — MusicRadar
Every Rush studio album from worst to best. (Gianni ranked them all “confusing.”)
Rick Rubin & Daron Malakian Interview — MusicRadar
On taste, production, and not playing instruments.
JR & JR Studio Essentials — Sound On Sound
Mic locker spotlight featuring Warm Audio's lineup of affordable mics.
MOTU 848 Announced — Sound On Sound
High-end audio interface enters the chat.
Castle Studios Rohrsdorf — Gearnews
A studio worth moving into permanently.
TAL EQ Studio — Gearnews
Surgical and smooth — another EQ in the toolbox. Is it a FabFilter rival?
Bionic Delay 2 Released — Rekkerd
The Interruptor revives a classic delay plugin for Windows users.
Trends
Brian Wampler on Digital Disruption — MusicRadar
Analog pedal legend on the stompbox market’s uncertain future.
Ozone 12 Adds Machine Learning — MusicRadar
iZotope’s flagship now leans into AI assistants for mixing. (Gianni asked if it could mix him out of the room.)
Artist Branding in 2025 — Hypebot
How artists can shape their image in the modern landscape. (Herr Randall insists Gianni’s “brand” is transistor dust.)
Until next time: keep your cables phase-aligned, your plugins updated, and if your intern is still alive after a week in the garage, maybe let him watch a basketball game from more than ten feet away from Jose.
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